From the Heart - You Can't Change Without a Fallout

Last weekend I (Michelle) took some time for myself and headed to Emerald Isle, North Carolina. I stayed from dawn until dusk and just walked the beach talking it all out with the LORD.  

Emerald Isle September 4, 2017

For some time God has been asking me to let go of my anger and bitterness.  You know, you think you have and then there it is again, flaring up and growing.  A person cannot be an effective prayer warrior, giver, or encourager with that kind of darkness eating away at their soul.  It has to be burned away - can't run away when you're held to the flame; you've got to go all the way with God and let Him cut and burn it away.

I walked Emerald Isle Beach and cried and prayed and decided to let go of things I can't change - and stop picking them up again.  I am letting go of the hurt and the anger and resentment and going to live my life every day.  Learned a lot of lessons just sitting there observing.

For instance, there were two Jack Russell pups; cracked me up!  Their owners took them into the ocean and they loved it.  Then they put them on leashes tied to their pavilion tent (there were a lot of those!).  One of the dogs yipped and yapped the whole time the owners were swimming.  That has been me.  The other dog was rolling around on his back having a grand time scratching himself in the sand!  That is me now!

I realized that life is like the ocean - the waves just keep coming and coming and coming - that is just how life is.  But our Heavenly Father said that even though the waters come, they shall not overtake us and when walking through the fire, the flame shall not kindle upon us.  He is with us so calm the heck down!  He never said it was going to be easy, in fact, He said, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world!"

Then there was Canaan.  Oh my word.  The most adorable baby boy.  A nice family sat near me, three little daughters and a boy of about 10.  Canaan must have been their foster child.  Dad was really patient and mom was organized and calm, but not sweet.  So Canaan was about 14 months old and must have just learned to run.  He came running over to me and smiled this huge smile and we became instant friends.  Dear LORD, he was adorable!  He was so adventurous, fearless.  The foster dad took him out into the edge of the water and let the waves knock him over, watched him pick himself up, and encouraged him when he did.  He let him fall down and pick himself up, getting stronger each time.  And that is what God does for us.  He lets us fall down and He is right there but He is going to let us grow in our struggles and get stronger.  Then foster mom was out in the water with Canaan.  He was standing beside her and when the waves came, as they always do, Canaan moved himself to in front of her legs and sheltered there.  In the storms of life we are to move into the shelter of our Heavenly Father!  He will shield us.

One funny story was a little four year old girl who walked past me on the walkway and just spit a mouthful of water on my arm on purpose!  Her grandmother was horrified and said, "Abbey, you will go to time out!"  I said, "Abbey, come here.  We don't spit on people; now say you're sorry."  She did!  And I told her I forgive her!  Then she gave me a hug and said, "I like you!  You have a fat, soft tummy and a pretty sparkly ring!"  Bahahahahaha!  By then her very pregnant mother had arrived and was mortified and I just laughed and told her I am a preschool teacher and hear those things all the time!  Abbey stuck by my side and wanted to be with me; finally her family had to pack up and go home!

I hope that I got my joy for life back!  I know it will be a struggle because I will have all the same battles.  It was like Day One of a diet - you have to keep walking in it daily!  And all the way there I just sang wonderful praise songs to the LORD and one of them was "Just Be Held".  Another song said, "You can't change without a fallout - it's gonna hurt but don't ya slow down; get back up 'cause it's a hard love!"  Changes that last come with a fallout - you gotta burn your old self away. Amen, it's not going to work unless you let God tear it out.  

Hard Love by NEEDTOBREATHE

This was my chair and umbrella.  It was pretty windy, not hot, but perfect...but windy - my umbrella blew down the beach and I had to run after it like a fool!  Oh my goodness!!!!  That little Abbey's grandma insisted that her cigar-chewing husband come over and help me!  Oh my word.  He tried and Abbey tried and finally they all insisted that Abbey's father, a muscle-bound US Marine, come and do it.  Oh, for heaven's sake!  He got it in and I tied it to my chair with my scarf!!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  And ironically, they were from Ohio!  I said, "What can't Buckeyes accomplish?!"  

I left Emerald Isle with such peace - thank the LORD for this peace!!!  If you are dealing with resentment and anger, it's just going to grow into bitterness....and no one wants to become some bitter old lady with a permanent frown!  

I have smiled all week and I have found ways to give to others, encourage others, do what Jesus said, "Feed My sheep."  Every time I feel resentment trying to creep back in, I choose to "Let it go."  I give it back to the LORD and know that He is working all things together for good.  

Hard Love by Nathaniel Rinehart / William Rinehart:
Trading punches with the heart of darkness
Going to blows with your fear incarnate
Never gone until it's stripped away
A part of you has gotta die today
In the morning you gon' need an answer
Ain't nobody gonna change the standard
It's not enough to just feel the flame
You've gotta burn your old self away
Hold on tight a little longer
What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
You can't change without a fallout
It's gon' hurt, but don't you slow down
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
You know the situation can't be right
And all you ever do is fight
But there's a reason that the road is long
It takes some time to make your courage strong
Hold on tight a little longer
What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
You can't change without a fallout
It's gon' hurt, but don't you slow down
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
When the wolves come and hunt me down
I will face them all and stand my ground
'Cause there's a fire burnin' in me
They will see my strength in this love I found
Oh
Hold on tight a little longer
What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
You can't change without a fallout
It's gon' hurt, but don't you slow down
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
It's a hard love, it's a hard love, it's a hard love, it's a hard love
Oh, it's a hard love, it's a hard love, it's a hard love, it's a hard love
Oh, it's a hard love, it's a hard love, it's a hard love, it's a hard love
Hold on tight a little longer
What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love
You can't change without a fallout
It's gon' hurt, but don't you slow down
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love

'Cause it's a hard love